This is a little bit embarrassing but we’re here

Ahhhh I’m sorry!!

I’ve been away for longer than I wanted to and definitely longer than I planned to. The truth is I got into perfectionist mode and was taking too long planning out how I was going to unveil this club✨ and all its perks. (First, I started drawing all the little illustrations to explain everything. Then I wanted to make a special item for a giveaway, so I did, but the glaze came out kinda shitty and I’m like damn I need to remake this cuz I don’t think that’s a good giveaway prize anymore)–

and then right in the middle of that I learned that I’d have a solo booth at the Atlanta Art Fair (🥳) + some additional sculptures showing at CAAM in the fall, and had to sort of drop everything and focus on these paintings and sculptures to get them finished in time. I’m telling you all this to be transparent in my process because perhaps you either 1) happen to also be someone trying to balance a painting life with a ceramic brand 🤷🏽‍♀️ or 2) can gleam something useful from my challenges.

So I’m right up on my painting deadline right now, which is a funny time to choose to write this! But the reason I decided to do this right now is because I really want to practice experiencing a full painting life WITH a full uno+ichi life. I am learning to integrate them together, and if I wait until I’m finished with all the paintings to write this then it will be hard to grasp what doing them simultaneously actually feels like. I’m trying to make it normal to be working on a bunch of paintings and also sharing what I’m building with uno+ichi, and for my nervous system to not think that is overwhelming or too much. I want it to feel easy and not like a big deal.

Basically, I’m starting to see that if I want to hold more, I have to make the things I’m holding feel lighter. And all of that is internal stuff, not external. What did Lena Horne say? “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.”

For me, things start to feel heavier when certain emotions get stuck to it: Whether it’s guilt for taking so long to do it, anxiety from my mind constantly alerting me that it needs to get done, or maybe even feeling like a failure for not living up to my plan or expectations. Sometimes this feeling is so subtle that it’s hard to recognize consciously, but it’s there if I sit quietly and pay attention to my heart. I believe that it’s these kinds of subtle feelings that start to weigh down the project or item on our list, making it harder than it needs to be (the whole mountain out of a molehill thing).

I feel like I’m finally seeing a glimpse of the version of me I need to be to balance painting and uno+ichi. I’m working on cleaning up resistance around them so they are more spacious and lighter feeling.

I hope to grow in my communication and sharing of all the things I’m working on, or at the very least where my mind is at with things. The batch for the first shop update is about 70% finished, and I have lots of seconds and tests also that will be for sale, too. More information to come.

Thanks for being on this journey with me as I get myself together to build something I’m really proud of. I hope these messages are useful to you. 🫶🏽

P.S: Here is the failed jar and also some other in-progress photos: